The Sigma Dry Cloth

FORGED IN A GYM. BANNED IN FOUR COUNTRIES.
This towel doesn’t dry you off—it absorbs soy, simps, and weakness.

You don’t need therapy. You need iron. And this towel.
Wrap yourself in "BASED & JACKED" energy and feel the gains transfer directly to your mitochondria.

Perfect for:
– Deadlifts, dissent, and destroying dad bods
– Beach flexing that makes lifeguards question their careers
– Getting kicked out of Whole Foods for being too masculine

🔥 Scientifically engineered by a dude who hasn’t skipped leg day since the Bush administration.
🔥 Made with 100% unconstitutional alpha fibers.
🔥 Still illegal in Canada.

📢 WARNING: May cause unsolicited stares, political debates, and someone whispering “he looks like he eats raw liver.”

Not a towel. A testosterone transmission device.